My girlfriend and I are about to celebrate our third anniversary. It’s great to finally be in a happy, stable relationship. My last few didn’t end so well…
Lisa just couldn’t deal with the fact that I was born without a uvula.
I told Susan that I wanted two women at once: one to iron my shirts, and the other to bake pies.
Amy got angry because I was always forgetting birthdays, deodorant, pants…
Janice thought I was immature, and I thought she was a poopy head.
Marie only wanted me for my body. Or, more specifically, my healthy kidneys.
Kathy didn’t like that I wanted to “wear the pants” in our relationship. And occasionally the sun dress, but that was only on the weekends, and just because they’re comfortable, not because I’m weird or anything.
Janet and I couldn’t agree on what day to celebrate as our anniversary: our first date, our first kiss, or the first time she filed a restraining order.
I dumped Rebecca after I asked her what sex felt like from a woman’s perspective, and she just said “let me show you” and waved a cucumber at me.
I dumped Carol because she was totally obsessed with being spanked. All night long, it was “No, you can’t spank me”, or “I said don’t spank me”, or “Damn it, stop spanking me!” God, talk about something else already!
I had to dump Rachel because of her intimacy issues. Every night, she would watch me undress, and then close her windows and tell me to get out of the bushes.