Christmas Shopping Tips

• Instead of buying your girlfriend expensive clothes and cosmetics, why not save some cash and just take off your glasses?
• Don’t forget to buy lots of small items for stocking stuffers, like candy, toys, or ammunition.
• You can get a custom message printed on just about anything. Finally, you can get your father that “World’s 43rd Greatest Dad” mug!
• Instead of getting your sister a Twilight novel, how about a phone book? It’s longer, has more characters, and the plot’s just as good.
• Nothing shows a friend you appreciate him more than the gift of an amusing nickname! ”Thanks for the iPod! I’m going to call you ‘Spanky’!”
• If you’re buying your sister some socks, make sure they match her earrings.
• Don’t bother getting a gift for your brother’s new girlfriend. She’s just a lawn gnome.
• People love homemade gifts! Try making your girlfriend some lingerie out of a welcome mat.
• If you’re the arts and crafts type, you can make your own Christmas tree with nothing but some glue, some pipe cleaners, and a large ax.
• If you get your uncle a gun and a ski mask, he’ll get you an iPhone and some guy’s wallet.
• Save money on gifts by telling everyone you only celebrate Canadian Boxing Day, and then punching them in the face.
• If you buy your mom a fur coat, make sure it’s faux fur. A ”faux” is a French fox. How fancy!
• Puppies and kittens are great presents, but they’re very difficult to wrap. First, seal them in Tupperware.
• Remember to not be so materialistic. After all, the greatest gift of all is the laughter of a child, as he murders his first hobo.
• Why not fire up the printer and make your boyfriend some coupons for Free Kisses? Hopefully, he won’t re-gift them to the guys at the office.

Filed under: Bad Advice, humor by Writepop