Tips for new college students

Tips for new college students

  • Worried about your grades? Your professor can’t grade your paper if you don’t turn it in!
  • You don’t have to be a science major to experiment in college.
  • Theater majors should consider auditioning for this year’s production of “Joseph and the Monochrome Trousers.” What could be more fun than a three-hour musical about Dockers?
  • Your tuition pays your professors’ salaries, so you’re basically their boss. Make sure to remind them of this.
  • Art majors, remember that artists never sell paintings until after they’re dead. Of course, if you’re really impatient, you can start selling paintings this weekend…
  • Only take classes from professors who are listed in the phone book. That way, when you get back your grades, you’ll know where they live.
  • If you’re running late for class, you can save time by doing several things at once. While you’re taking your shower, you can also shave, brush your teeth, and blow-dry your hair.
  • If you’re really running late, it’s OK to come to class in your pajamas. However, you might want to rethink the onesie.
  • No matter what the weird guy in the library says, there is no such thing as “the campus masseuse.”
  • College is a great time to expose yourself to new cultures. First, get a trench coat…

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