Writing Tips

Writing Tips

  • The only thing worse than seeing your writing plagiarized is realizing that nobody thinks your stuff is good enough to steal.
  • Before the Internet, the hardest thing about being a writer was crippling loneliness and alcoholism. Now, it’s knowing that even your best work won’t get as much attention as a cute cat picture.
  • Want to write something raunchy, but afraid of being censored? The following words sound dirty, but aren’t: Masticate, spelunking, titular, uvula, and my favorite, coccyx.
  • Spelling tip: Getting married? A man is your “fiancé”, a woman is your “fiancée”, and Fonzie is your “fiancéeeeey!”
  • Avoid using too many adjectives in a row. Example: “And then they had warm, slow, joyous, romantic, squishy, ocular sex.”
  • Don’t be sexist! Use gender-neutral language, like “he or shenanigans.”
  • It’s important to set writing goals for yourself. Like writing 800 words per day, or using the words “Byronic”, “Orwellian”, and “Kafkaesque” in the same sentence.
  • Ever wanted to keep a journal but just don’t have the time? Buy one at a used bookstore and try to do the same things that guy did.
  • One of the biggest challenges any writer can face is pitching a screen play, especially if you have like 300 copies and the Dumpster’s really far away.
  • Do you find writing dialog too difficult? Try creating a science fiction story about aliens from Planet Lorem Ipsum.
  • Try to think of alternatives to clichés. Instead of “den of thieves”, use “attic of evil” or “bathroom of liars”.
  • Toni Morrison once said, “If there’s a book you really want to read, but it hasn’t been written yet, then you must write it.” That’s why my next book will be “How To Set Your Boss On Fire With Your Mind.”

3 Responses to “Writing Tips”

  1. How about Overcoming Writer’s Block: Old-fashioned orbital lobotomy frees you from overthinking your story.

  2. How To Set Your Boss On Fire With Your Mind. I wish I could!

  3. amen to that ^

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