Dialog Tips & Tricks

‘ve got a present for you,” he said, drawing his gun.

A big part about communication is nonverbal. Action can add layers of meaning to your character’s words, and even completely change the meaning. Describing gestures, facial expression and posture can show the relationship between two characters, indicate irony or sarcasm, and add subtle nuances of meaning to otherwise drab dialog.

If your characters don’t really mean what they’re saying, you can show us through a visual.

David handed Rick a photo of his new girlfriend. Rick’s face puckered like he was sucking on a lemon. “Oh, she’s really sexy!” he said.

Action can also show us the relationship between characters. For example: Rachel’s mother dies, and two people try to comfort her. The first puts his arm around her, and the second mumbles and stares at the floor. Why? The first character is her brother, and the second is a friend, embarrassed at seeing her in the shower the previous day.

“My dialog is terrible,” he grumbled ungraciously.

Said, said, said, said, said! When you write a long story, eventually you get sick of writing “said.” If you hate the word so much, your readers must hate it, too. Right? When you write a long story, you type “said” dozens, even hundreds of times. If you’re like me, after a while you just get sick of writing the word. If you hate the word so much, your readers must hate it, too. Right? Not necessarily. Most people barely notice it. To your reader, it’s almost like punctuation.

Alternatives to “said” are fine, within limits. At most, you should use three to a page. Any more than that, and they can become distracting. The more creative your alternatives, the more distracting they can become. Words like “yelled,” “whispered,” and “called” can be used much more often than “groused,” “breathed,” or “chanted.”

The same thing goes for dialog describers, those words that tell you how a line was delivered. “Softly,” “sadly,” “shyly,” and so on. Used sparingly, they can be a great addition to your dialog. But too much, and they become a crutch. You shouldn’t rely on dialog describers to carry a scene. You’re not writing a play. You want your readers to be able to see the scene, not just hear it. I’ll show you what I mean.

Hear the scene:

David walked in to the living room. “Sarah,” he said sadly, “I’ve lost my job.”

“Oh, god!” Sarah gasped, horrified. “What are we going to do for food? How will we pay the rent?”

See the scene:

David shuffled slowly into the living room, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand. His gray eyes, usually sparkling with vitality, seemed like storm clouds bursting with rain. Sarah was on the couch, reading a novel. She looked up at him and smiled. Swallowing his pain, he said, “Sarah, I’ve lost my job.”

Sarah gasped, dropping her book on the floor. “Oh, god!” She had to grab the couch cushion to stop her hands from shaking. What are we going to do for food? How will we pay the rent?”

The second version creates a vivid image in the reader’s mind. I don’t have to tell you what these characters are feeling, or how they sounded when they spoke. You can fill that in for yourself.

Blah, blah, blah, blah…

The action in your scenes should do more than just communicate emotions. It’s important enough just to give your characters something to do. While your characters are talking, they can light cigarettes, eat, pace, or take off a bra, just about anything to keep them moving. The action should give the reader a visual, and also communicate something about the characters. One character smokes because she is trying to lose weight, another character paces because talking about the wedding makes him nervous.

A dialog scene is a good time to mention a character’s personal possessions. A piece of jewelry, a wrinkled tee shirt, or an engraved lighter can help your reader get a better impression of a character’s personality. Props can be used as a kind of shorthand, just like physical characteristics. If you want to say “this is the villain,” you can use a three-day beard and a nasty scar, or you could use a rusty knife and a bottle of whiskey.

Another reason props are important is that it helps the reader remember just who is speaking. If you have a few paragraphs of “he said, she said,” mentioning the character’s Clash tee shirt makes sure your reader knows it’s Jack speaking, not his brother Ricardo. If your story has a large cast of characters, a visual helps us remember someone better than just a name.

“A reader may perhaps come to decide that I converse far too cleverly to be credible, bearing in mind that I am a mere four years of age,” said Billy.

Every person has a unique way of speaking, which linguists call an “idiolect.” This individual variation is determined by various factors:

• Gender – Word choice varies a great deal across gender lines. Women are less likely to use profanity than men, and when women use profanity, they are less likely to curse directly at someone. Women use more “tag questions,” questions added on to the end of declarative sentences. (“You put gas in the car, didn’t you?”)
• Age – Again, variation in word choice. Every generation invents its own slang, in an attempt to separate itself from the previous generation. Younger people are more likely to use sarcasm. Age differences are also related to education level.
• Education level – Education level affects things like word choice, sentence structure, use of slang and profanity, and more.
• Idiolect is also affected by socioeconomic status, region, occupation, and other factors. The more you know about a character, the more realistic and unique their dialog will become. All of these things should influence how your characters speak. The more you know about a character, the more realistic and individualized their dialog will become.

So, before you being your story, write a general description of all of your main characters. Along with their age, gender, and other characteristics, you should give each one a word or two that only they will use. Make their private words something that informs the reader about that character. You might have an ex-priest who still uses religious terminology in his everyday speech, or a southern child who refers to adults as “Mr. Mike” or “Miss Amy.”

Other Points

• When two people are talking, they almost never use another person’s name in the middle of a conversation. If you are talking to a friend, he knows that you’re talking to him, and there is no need for names. Names are generally reserved for greetings and goodbyes. (Of course, in a group, you have to use names so people know to whom you are speaking.)
• If your characters are excited or upset, they should interrupt each other. It is very unrealistic for all of your characters to be patient and let each other finish all the time!
• Obviously, you can indicate a pause in dialog with ellipsis. Personally, I am very tempted to overuse ellipsis, so it is good to have an alternative. Another way to show a pause in a line is attribution. (“Bill said.”)
  • “I never thought you would do this… especially not to me,” Amy said.
  • “I never thought you would do this,” Amy said, “especially not to me.”
• When writing dialog for a character who speaks another language, it is tempting to throw in a non-English word or two. However, most bilingual people will only resort to switching languages when they run into a roadblock: they don’t know the English word for something, and have to use a word in their native tongue; or there is no proper English word for something, like a foreign food.

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